Forced Slow Down

It’s been two years since I last got sick. On Wednesday night I got absolutely WRECKED by food poisoning. I won’t get into details but let’s just say the neighbors may or may not have called the police in fear of an exorcism next door. 

Now while I hated it and the effects lasted for 72 hours, I learned something I otherwise would not have. 

No one was around, and while work was in abundance, I was not expected to attend 80% of the meetings. Really, I could have missed all of them but a few I was not willing to miss even as I was sick in between. 

As the week closed out I found myself very weak and with an empty weekend all alone. I cannot remember the last time this happened. Some may think that sounds amazing but historically that much time alone is no good for a guy like me. 

I enjoyed the quiet even more than I could have imagined. The slowdown and forced-rest brought me a calm in which I have never experienced before. 

Each hour I found myself either resting or taking care of things which made me more comfortable in my environment. 

Normally as weekends go along, I speed up getting ready for the week. Much of that is driven by anxiety. This weekend I stayed at a steady pace the entire time. It was truly enlightening. 

As of now I’m typing this preparing for the week and very much digesting what this means for future planning of something I hold dearest to my heart. My time. 

Some thoughts I was working out… 

What if the investment (being alone) is exactly what my mind needs? I’ve feared being alone because of how I self sabotage when I’m by myself. But, what if the outcome was supposed to be the complete opposite all along? 

“You are who you are when no one is looking” 

What if I liked what I saw in the mirror more than I thought?

I did, and I feel as if this set the tone for a future in which I’m more comfortable being alone more often. 

To be determined, but it’s a great start. 

Happy Thanksgiving.