I spent the first part of the week working with my dad at the house trying to get things in order.
I cherished each day with my father in a different way. My lens is different now. My dad is the last parent standing.
He’s my guy. I’ll do whatever he needs me to do. (Sometimes I bitch a little but I’ll do whatever chore he needs me to do regardless.)
I felt very heavy this week. I didn’t rest well and I felt manic most of the week. I was moving REALLY fast while not being very rested. Not a good mix for me.
I require more structure to function at a high level and my life is full of variables right now.
I mean, as I’m writing I’m in Vegas working on a car deal and a watch conference all at once after five hours of sleep back to back.
Not a sustainable strategy for me.
I’m on the road for 20 of the next 25 days. This will be a real challenge for me. I’m not in the best mental space which makes it even more difficult.
The challenge and this writing (and those that read it) is my accountability partner. I’ll tell you how I’m doing with workouts, alcohol consumption, and focus over the next three weeks.
Amidst this past week was a tough Friday night where I had a bad attitude and was reminded to go into everything as, well, love.
I was surprised by a cooking class on Friday night. Admittedly, I didn’t want to talk to anyone let alone be in a cooking class.
I was a little chippy with my girlfriend and admittedly she wasn’t thrilled.
About 30 minutes into class (while riding my mediocre attitude) it all hit me.
My mother fucking LOVED cooking. She would have been so happy to be in that class with me. At that moment I smiled, took a sip of wine, and grabbed the spatula.
I cycled through memories of my mother and her homemade organic cooking. She loved cooking (especially recipes with beans or okra lol) for the family. She wanted us to eat healthy and be happy.
I started to feel very ashamed that while I really didn’t want to be socializing I could have had a much better attitude the whole time. Before we went into the class I made a comment to Elizabeth that I felt very deeply about but should have known wasn’t going to do anything good for our relationship.
“You obviously don’t know me very well if you think I want to be at a cooking class in my current mental state.”
I could have just shared my feedback with her afterwards and had a good attitude while being there.
Well, fast forward 30 minutes and I realized this cooking class that was booked a week before my mom passed away was the universe urging me to get over my shitty attitude and celebrate like my mom was sitting next to me.
I got very emotional writing that. I know I’ve already said it but when I visualize her joy it really hits me. She would have been absolutely full of joy. She wanted me to be there.
As the rest of the cooking class went on I continued to imagine her smiling next to me. She would have been talking about how beautiful the food was and I’m certain she would be asking the chef lots of great questions.
At the end of the night it was a tough conversation between Elizabeth and I. She just wanted to do something different with me and be around her friends.
As our conversation was ending she was very emotional (rightfully so) and shared a comment that brought me to tears. It’s one I’ll never forget.
“I don’t care if you want me to hang out with you and a rock! I just want to be with you because I really love you!”
Well, honey… Thank you. I very much appreciate your willingness to be transparent. If it weren’t for you setting that up I wouldn’t have ever chosen to do that.
This week starts in Las Vegas for The Heights Luxury Watch company getting ready for 2026. We’re making some great progress and meeting some awesome connections.
The 2026 plan will be announced to the Fountain Forward team next week so I’m excited about that. The same thing is in the works for Accounting Labs.
All in all, I’m moving forward fairly well. I miss my mom but I’m enjoying being “with” the great memories I have and lifting her up in my conscious awareness.
Let’s have a great week.
– SJ