Sitting here writing my blog from the upstairs dining room at my parents’ house for the final time. Looking out, staring at the snow covered grown, the squirrels, trees, and everything in between.
Memories are flashing before my eyes. They’re playing in perfect resolution.
As each memory comes up, I take a deep breath and enjoy that memory, no matter the emotion.
The house that built me. It has a lot of meaning.
Mostly, and I mean mostly, it’s appreciation. I’m so glad to have had this as a home for 37.5 years.
I spent the final night with my father, sister, and my dear friend Matt. We sat in front of the fire and shared stories. I’m beyond grateful for years of work with Rex and Chris, which prepared me for this moment.
Sit back, take it in, and say nothing. Just listen.
My dad walked through his emotions in a myriad of different ways.
He told stories as he was inspired to do so.
My dad ended up bringing up a memory about driving me to Marshfield for golf lessons. He said it was one of his proudest moments. He said he was so proud to have been able to do that with me as he was fighting his tears.
I became overwhelmed with emotions. I put both hands to my face and just whimpered.
I was perfectly present and appreciative of the energy of the room.
Resonance, in its purest form.
I never knew that story. I never knew his feelings about Marshfield and Legends Golf Center.
I won’t forget that moment in front of the fire, among many others.
The day before, we had a party for my dad at the local watering hole, Partners Pub. They put the “going away” sign up for my dad even though he didn’t want them to do it.
He loved it. He fucking loved it.
Every person who stopped by had something wonderful to say about my dad. Person after person, young and old, mostly old, shared a story or three.
We have some priceless photos from that party. Thanks to everyone who came!
Along with all the amazing memories and the heavy weight of leaving, I’m left with a feeling of relief.
I’m ready for this to be done. I am 100% ready to move on.
I’ve been pretty worn down the last few months. Trying to keep routines, whether eating or working out, etc, has proven difficult. I feel full of love, and I feel empty and frustrated all at once.
The work I’m putting into myself is working very well with the people and associates who are putting the work in with me.
Those who are sticking to their ways, their patterns, are drifting away. This process is always happening, but recently it’s felt more disruptive (to me).
I’m having conversations with people, and I hear them explain why they’re doing what they’re doing, and it’s not for the reasons they say or may think. Whenever I’m around them, I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin at times.
My automatic decision system is screaming, WAKE UP!
As I’ve written about previously, I used to push them to see it. I now know that’s rarely a great decision. RARELY.
Put simply, as a few relationships are galvanizing, others are unraveling.
This is where my emotions become scrambled. I desire for people to wake up.
As I think about the vision of my life and my objectives, I look closely at the people I surround myself with.
In a conversation with my business partner Chris, and also Rex, I felt them hinting at me forcing some of the things I want to happen instead of manifesting them as love.
That led to a conversation with Rex this morning. The people who are supposed to be around me are being brought in (and vice versa) by the energy I’m putting into the universe. The energy WE are putting into the universe.
Living in alignment with and as love.
When things speed up and become hectic, the automatic decision system takes over. I’ve done a very good job of combating it, but that also takes more energy than normal.
That then led to another realization. I’m more sensitive to “friction” when I’m worn down, so I end up investing the energy into people even more.
It’s called the automatic decision system for a reason!
That’s where this leaves me.
One last writing from my parents’ house.
Getting ready to spend time in Houston, as love. Recentering my energy.
Getting ready for my dear friend Matt to come down for what I’m going to call a “retreat” week.
I wanted to give a special shoutout to those people who have taken weight off my shoulders over the past few weeks especially.
The selfless acts which have quieted my mind are appreciated. Text messages, letters, presents for my father, and other thoughtful gestures brought joy to my life.
Life is good because of people like you. You are such great humans.
As my dad said, it’s time to move forward.
Well said, Dad. Well said.
Cheers from 5570 Applewood court for the last time.
– Stephen