Spent the entire week in Florida.
To say the very least, I struggled to find peace this week. I was anxious, cautious, and melancholy in general.
Monday morning started off with a few hours at a luxury watch show in Miami. This was the first one without my partner, Nick, attending, so it had a different vibe for sure. Though I wasn’t in a great spot mentally, I was able to focus for the most part.
I was fortunate enough to have some watches I had pre-sold that I needed to find. This was by far my favorite process of this watch business thus far.
I have my numbers, and I need to go on an easter egg hunt while communicating with my customer along the way. It was really fun. Shoutout Frank for the opportunity to serve!
Tuesday, I did some more deals at the show and proceeded to drive to Naples to see my dad and family.
I was struggling the entire drive over. I was on the phone with Rex, working through my thoughts and patterns in one giant learning session.
That session was a great example of why I never make a decision when I’m highly emotional.
It was towards the end of my session, and I essentially didn’t even want to hear Rex speak anymore. It’s rare that I get this worked up, but it was one of those times.
I was so fucking frustrated.
I waited a few hours, and of course, I saw life through a different lens.
That’s the hardest part about negative emotions. They distort the way we see life.
It distorts the hell out of me, and during times like these, it takes me longer to get back to center.
I despised sitting with my dad at his new apartment in a nasty mood. I wasn’t rude or anything, I just told him I’m not in a good mental space, and I loved him and wanted to be there with him.
Going back to why I do my best to never make a decision when I’m that emotional…
I love pursuing the truth. I want to be on the right side of the truth or false. When negative emotions hit, I find it much easier to manipulate and project negatively.
It’s like little battles with the devil, but really don’t want to hang out with him.
Something Chris said a few times revolved around people getting to a certain level of power where evil contributes (to a large degree), no matter what.
(There’s a lot behind that statement, but that’s my simple synopsis)
I agree with it. The more power I gain, the more I realize the devil is getting stronger.
I’ve written about this before, and this past week reminded me of “his” power.
The shitty attitude I am talking about is one giant mood/lens that feels like a thunderstorm in my mind.
It just keeps raining and thundering/lighting over and over, and I’d just like it to stop.
It crept into everything I did, including my golf match I played on Sunday, and got DESTROYED.
But, eventually, it does stop. Every time.
That’s what gets me through. I know it’s going to pass, even when it’s darkest.
Do I doubt it along the way? You damn right I do. I woke up this morning with a bunch of anxiety/worry, but I got to work, and that helped tremendously.
I start my day with 14 tasks, which I’m looking forward to, believe it or not.
It’s getting me back on track before another travel week later this week.
I’m feeling better as I finish my writing. Feeling more centered. Approaching the day in “alignment”.
Looking forward to what I feel is a much better attitude to start the week.
My chin is up, and my shoulders are back. I’m aiming up.
I hope you do the same.
– SJ
PS: Amidst everything rough in my mind I had a wonderful time with Elizabeth in Miami. Flying her in for a few days was the best decision I made all week and man am I glad for it.