My mind was full of thunderstorms this week. So much so that I decided to remove myself from any situation in which I thought I would be unable to be “centered.”
Do I dislike having to do that? Sure, but it was the right decision. I kept myself in isolation or around people that completely understood where I was at mentally.
That proved to be very effective. I played more golf this week than I have in months, I ate well, and I had solid workouts.
Work has been highs and lows. The lows have been the types of situations that just piss me off. I was angry and pissed off this week.
On Friday morning after struggling to release this mental tension I had a two hour meeting with Rex which was fantastic.
I showed up entirely prepared and asked the universe to leave me space for healing as I purged much of my anger in hopes of better understanding it. I went back over The Four Agreements too.
To goal is always the same: I was born as a divine being, we all are. Pure love. Our goal should all be to live as love without allowing our evidential mind to control us but instead serve us. All the shit that happens to us often takes over and starts being the decision maker for us. The best thing I can do, the best thing we can do, is breathe and get ourselves back to center. Back to our origin, love.
That’s what I work hard on every week. This week was especially hard but I write this today in better shape than I was five days ago.
On Sunday my business partner Emiliano arrived from Buenos Aires and we promptly got ready for a big week. Upon doing so he knew something was going on with me mentally so he started unpacking.
I gotta give this guy credit, he has grown so much over the past 14 months since he’s been here. The questions he was asking and the feedback were really impressive.
As I’ve written about previously, I’ve had a few people distance themselves from me over the past few months. Disagreements came, conversations shut down, and I was pushed away.
I have been pretty down in the dumps when it comes to understanding/processing people I love distancing themselves from me. Mourning, if you will. It sucks.
Amidst all of this, only one text message do I regret. I got angry and I expressed a very distorted view of how I felt. I violated all of my rules when it comes down to taking actions (or lack thereof) when I’m emotional. I just spewed emotion.
Just because I don’t have regrets regarding the rest doesn’t mean I’m not sad as hell. I’ve had very sad and lonely days but again, I know I made the right decision and I’m confident if I’m supposed to have deep relationships with those individuals the universe will bring us together.
I bring this up because Emiliano noticed I was too focused on the relationships that have recently gone sour. He asked me to go over some of my closest relationships and the status of those. He was changing my lens.
I supposed the pain has overshadowed the good. Not the first time I’ve allowed this to happen.
I listed off the top five key people in my life and all of them are at all time highs and developing nicely. I have also talked to all of them in the past week and they’ve been great supporters of me.
That then left me with my final note for this week.
Are your closest friends protecting you or supporting you?
Tell me the truth. I have the chance to be set free if you do. That’s support.
That type of approach is how I deepen relationships. The only issue is… I have to be ready to go through the trenches with that person because a lot of people, at first, don’t want to hear the truth.
I may not deliver it the right way sometimes but I can promise you, I’m looking for the truth and you should too. We will succeed.
Man, I’m in my feels. Just going through it.
Anywho…
I’m focused on being a great business partner and friend to Emiliano this week while being loving to those around me whom I may have friction with.
I truly want the best for all of us, and that starts with me living my life the right way.
As love.
Special thanks to Mike for a great conversation this week. I love you, man.
- SJ
PS: Today marks three years of writing every single week. I’m so thankful for the growth because of this writing but also the conversations which have stemmed from my writing have had a profound impact on my life. Maybe one day we’ll make all of these into a book.
Who knows?