I expect a lot out of people. It serves me well in many ways, but when applied the wrong way (like pushing too hard), it is not beneficial.
This has been something I’ve written about numerous times over the past three years, and recently, I’ve started to dig into more objective guidelines for myself.
My synopsis:
I think I could be much better about my timing to ensure the other party knows I’m coming from a good place. I think I’ve gotten much better, but I’m having big and scary conversations, so they have to be well placed.
I recently had a conversation with one of my business partners regarding their belief in me years ago, when I was pretty harsh on him. I asked him what specifically made him want to be patient with me when I had overstepped a bit.
He thought I was committed enough to be able to make the right decision and get control of my emotions. He knew it wasn’t out of malice, but insecurity.
This has been a topic of my writing over and over and over the last few months. I have ruminated (and pontificated) countless times.
It’s a constant game of how much is enough, how much is too much, and what exactly is enough.
Why am I spending so much time on this? Because I want to make the most out of the anxiety I do have. I don’t think there will be a time when I have no anxiety, so I might as well do my absolute best with it.
My current focus is establishing a new default… Chill. Start with a deep breath.
That process led to a FANTASTIC trip with Emiliano. Three years ago, I had a vision of where Accounting Labs (and my relationship with Emi) could go, and I’m so grateful to be where we’re at. Both of us have worked very hard to be better partners to one another, and it showed this week.
A special shoutout to Adam Barr for being an incredible resource and mentor to Emiliano.
Something I thought a lot about lately is my mom and how much I wish she were here. Below that is the desire to have a relationship with my mom, living as love, not being controlled by fear and pressure.
In many ways, that’s how the final year was with my mom.
I know the battles that I’m having on a regular basis, but I happen to be aware enough to combat them. This was not the case with my mom, and she ultimately succumbed to the demons. The biggest thing I miss about my mom is the moments where we were genuinely connected.
I had thought about a few of those while I was traveling this week, and they hit me really hard.
What I would do to experience that again…
I finished last week with a day trip to NYC to do something I’ve been really excited about, meeting with a bespoke suit designer who is in town from Bogota of all places. I was able to meet with him, talk about my vision, and get measured.
Moreover, I was reminded of how small I really am in this world. I stood below the Empire State Building and just took a deep breath. It was the perfect reminder for me.
Chill. Enjoy what’s going on. Work hard for the things I love, but enjoy the process.
I really enjoyed that process.
It’s another travel week this week, but more for relationship building and practicing my CHILL. It’s off to Costa Rica.
Pura Vida!
– SJ