This might have been the biggest week of learning I’ve had in the last few years.
I’m serious, this shit was really something.
I went on a trip this week with Elizabeth and a group of 16 people. This is not something I would normally be open to doing as I mentioned previously.
I really like protecting my personal time and space as much as I can and in many ways I had a negative attitude towards this trip. These people, from what I knew, all had very different lifestyles and most likely different belief systems.
I was fixated on the things that COULD inhibit my ability to have a great time. Things that could separate me from Elizabeth and her friends group.
Was I fighting my attitude and why I had it? Absolutely. Nonetheless, I was ruminating on it for weeks.
This was, for all intents and purposes, me signing up for a trip full of uncontrollable(s) with people I’ve never met in a foreign country.
But, there was one moment while Emiliano was in Houston where my focus changed.
I told him, “You know what? I’m going to learn from each and every one of them. I’m going to have a conversation with each one individually and learn from them.”
Save that…
The trip began with me getting motion sick for the first time in like 20 years due to sitting in a packed shuttle directly in the sun for three hours.
This was not the start I wanted lol.
But let’s backtrack to my first conversation of the trip which was even before the aforementioned shuttle.
A guy named Will sat down next to me and began talking to me about random shit. A few minutes in, he brought up his recent obsession with golf.
God came in and gave me a fun guy with a great spirit who loves the sport I love most.
That very much set the tone for the trip.
Now, a few things I was uncomfortable with that I was excited to tackle once I centered myself.
Haven’t played volleyball in 20 years and these are all pretty good volleyball players.
Surfing wasn’t something I was experienced with and I knew I’d be going pretty much daily.
I loved doing both. I was uncomfortable in so many ways and that discomfort generated humility and growth.
The people I played volleyball and surfed with? World class. They were welcoming and also great teachers when I asked for help.
I had a few moments on the trip where my evidential mind and/or fear-based reality structure took over but I quickly noticed it and went on a walk by myself.
Those walks were full of personal judgments. I imagine someone seeing me on my walk and wondering what the fuck was going on in my head lol.
A lot. That’s the answer.
One of the walks I went pretty far and once I got back to Elizabeth I quickly addressed why I went on the walk.
“I personalized a decision you made and decided I wasn’t going to allow that emotion to take control of me so I took a walk.”
Great decision. Solid personal growth. I despise that my emotions were so strong but I know fear can be a real son of a bitch.
My takeaways:
- Put my phone down. My usage was down 85% this past week and it was a game changer. I literally just left my phone behind for hours at a time. I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to go about lowering my usage but plans are in progress.
- I need more outdoor time and I need to get back into more active sports. I fucking love sports and playing volleyball and surfing had me with way more energy and clarity. Lifting has been great but I have to open up my lungs more often and without hockey/football on a regular basis I’m not getting enough. I’ve been doing something super active two/three days a week for many years and that’s slowed in the last 18 months with all my travel and issues with the rink. Do I want to play volleyball? I am not sure, but I will be getting into something soon.
- I’m going to spend some more time with Elizabeth’s friends doing some fun activities. I also want to do this via travel. She has some friends in Denver that I think are a great first “target” if you will. This will benefit our relationship in many ways but also allow us to explore other parts of the country.
- I am more aware than ever of how much my lens/expectations have changed. I’ve climbed the hierarchy and it’s optimized and tainted my view on the world a bit. This has benefited me in so many ways but it’s costing me more than I thought.
I intentionally had a one on one intellectual conversation with every person on this trip. I enjoyed every one of them. I learned from every conversation. I even became emotional during a few of them because of how much my preconceived notions were wrong.
My final conversation was with Will at the bar on the final night.
It revolved around curiosity. He is curious about every person he meets. We talked about it for quite some time. I told him this shit I had in my head before the trip and how the trip had gone.
Amidst the inner turmoil I have been feeling about this trip I’m glad I didn’t listen to my thoughts and instead spent time with every person on the trip.
Little did I know that the lesson I got from Will was an edification of what my divinity (source love) yearned for the whole time.
I desire to approach each conversation without judgement. With curiosity as to what I may discover while talking to a human with a COMPLETELY UNIQUE story.
That’s the type of shit that brought me to tears as I was talking to Will. It all came full circle.
Thoughts can be very cynical. They can be dark. They can be full of judgement.
Don’t act on them.
Be curious.
I’m so thankful for this trip and the people I’ve met. Thanks Elizabeth for being patient and loving.
Happy Belated Birthday to my mother in heaven. I know you were there by my side helping me out this week.
Chin up, shoulders back.
– SJ
PS: Happy Memorial Day. Thank you to all those who have served and are serving. To those that have paid the ultimate price, I salute you.